So there's this guy I've been on and off with for the last 4yrs. I met him at a club on valentines day, and let me tell u it felt like love at first sight. He introduced himself and we exchanged numbers. Within the next few days we had exchanged a few texts and made plans for him to come over with a few of his friends to hang out. I don't know how many of u have felt like this but there are certain people whom just grasp your heart and your emotions and u have no idea why, well he was one of them. I couldn't put my finger on it but I always tell him " I'm addicted to your light" I wasn't completely sure where it came from nor why I felt so drawn to him but I guess these are one of the few things that u will never be able to explain. In the months and years to come we remained close, but the thing about him was he was terrible at keeping promises, he would promise to call, to text or to meet somewhere and just wouldn't, this chase drove me insane, much like the guy in my post "lying cheating son of a gun" I'm obsessed with control and when I don't have it I tend to go a little nutty. Every time I would go out and run into him my heart would drop I truly believe at one point I was in love with him, he was and is the type of guy that makes me 2nd think my actions and want to be a better woman, not just for him but for myself. As the weeks days months and years go on our relationship stays the same, never progressing. I would see him once a month, once every 2weeks and sometimes not even we could go for weeks or months without speaking but every time I spent time with him all the feelings would rush back. Now the problem with us was in the in betweens I was obviously out and on the scene I still dated guys and had random hook ups which a few happened to be his acquaintances. He's a very protective and private person, whom Is extremely religious and I forgot to mention we'd never slept together, even to this day. Me being with people he knew and was around him didn't sit well and inevitably made him not want to be in a committed relationship with me.
-Ok, now I see his point, but he had a chance MANY chances to have me before I met his friends and if he would have spoke up about the fact that he disliked me being out often, I could have and would have calmed my ways for him, no one is a mind reader and him not taking initioative made me think he didn't want to be with me so I'm going to continue to be whom I chose and make my own decisions as a grown indepentant woman.
He's a well known actor and when he went over seas to film a movie we talked everyday he was away, sent picture, emails and chatted on bbm, I even went to visit him while he was on set and let me again state WE NEVER had sex, our relationship was purley emotional which is even more intense. When he came back we had made promises to see eachother the night he arrived back into LA and made plans to finally do the deed. He didn't show until 3days after he had arrived back in the states. I made everything perfect, an itunes playlist, candels, dinner and exspensive lingire. He came over we ate, drank and talked then we finally moved things into my room just when things started getting hot and heavy he jumped up and said he needed to run to the car to get a condom. He never came back, never picked up my calls and disappeared for a month.
When he finally got in touch with me through email he told me his car had gotten broken into, blah blah blah bullshit bullshit bullshit. I didn't speak to him for about 2months after that and got into a relationship with someone else. Throughout my relationship with the other person we still spoke, I know, bad bad bad dunnie but even though I was with someone else, he still had my heart.
The person I was dating was an aquatance of his, whom I had met one night when I had gone to meet him at a resteraunt (bad idea like I said before DONT DATE within the circle) I had told my current boyfriend about my relationship with him and the heartbreak and love I "had had for him" even though it was still there. Once my boyfriend and I broke up, a bitter breakup may I add, they ran into eachother. They both exchanges stories about me and my ex went on and on about how I still spoke to him during our relationship and how bad that had hurt him. Being a man and not wanting to feel as though he had taken another mans women he said some pretty awful things about me, that I was a "jump off" and he "had no respect for me" blah blah blah but the thing was we were hardly physical which is what hurt the most. It was about 6months this time before I spoke to him again.
As the years have gone on and I have grown as a person I realized I was stuck in a situation with no progression, I was giving a lot of myself emotionally with someone who had no intent to ever be with me and my heart slowly began to change, I stopped picking up calls, running when he would invite me over and wouldn't return texts. He started to realize and then the tables turned, but it was too late, my heart had changed. I still to this day love him, but its not the same kind of butterfly excited love, its a caring kind of love, like I care for him as a person and his well being. I recently asked him " why I was never his girlfriend" and he answered me with
" You're a littl bit to in the scene for me. Seen with. Been with. Hooked up. Made out with...etc. I'm very protective. And private....to walk through a club, or a pop spot and have dudes look and be able to identify in some sort of way with my girl is a No No for me."
I respected that it was an honest answer and it makes complete sense but why did u waste 4yrs of my time to enevitibly end up on the conclusion you could of had in the beginning.
So ladies here is my advice to you, if a man wants to be with u he will, he will tell you he will open up about the things he loves about you and the things he doesn't, don't waste your time in a relationship that is strictly on him, on his terms and something that has no progression, if you've been seeing someone whom you seem to have a connection with and who seems to like you and its been 3-4months and he hasn't made it official or you haven't progressed turn it into a friendship because its not going to go anywhere. If he's into you he's going to want to lock you down as his girl before someone else does don't wait around til he's ready letting him watch you "do things he doesn't like" and then usuing them against you when u ask about becoming a couple, hey if he would have committed then u probably wouldn't live your life like you were single and if he's not claiming you then why the hell would you live your life like he was your man, trust me if you do that he's getting the milk without buying the cow. He has his cake and can eat it too, a girl who acts as his girlfriend but he is free from all the consiquenses and obligations that come with being in a relationship. No matter how much he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship or he "doesn't do relationships" he's saying I don't want one with you cause I promise once he finds a girl he likes he'll be in a relationship and you'll be heartbroken. Don't allow that, trust me I've been through it and I did see him have a girlfriend at one point. If he doesn't make you his girl then you're wasting your time. Move on to someone who loves u for you regardless of your flaws or actions, trust me, he's out there.
Happy hunting.
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