Most of my girlfriends come to me when they need advice on relationships. See I'm the epitimy of an Aquarius and as this water sign we tend to be very laid back, rational and non confrontational so its very easy for me to see both sides of an argument or situation Its also very easy for me to give advice but not take my own. A few things I've learned along the way.
My longest relationship was with my High School sweetheart, we were together for four years. Four amazing years he was an amazing guy. I have nothing bad to say about him nor our relationship. He was a gentleman, he was my shoulder and I was his "ride or die" we rarely fought and he was an outstanding mentor and lover. I think this relationship taught me a lot about how to treat someone you genuinely love. My next relationship was about a year, now this guy was a JERK he had the WORST Napoleon syndrome (little man complex) he was conceited, controlling and just plain rude most of the time, worst of all he ended up breaking my heart by me walking in on him in our bed with an aquatiance of ours. The old Dunnie, whom I call Jenna, took it pretty well. She cried on her dads shoulder and still tried to work things out, blamed herself and sat around thinking she wasn't good enough. Im going to say this one time and one time only, IF YOU CATCH your b/f or significant other cheating red handed LEAVE HIM so fucking fast he doesn't even have time to put his pants back on.
I know all you girls out have seen " He's just not that into you" so TAKE the advice realize when he's JUST not that into you cause I see a lot of you looking really really stupid.
If he's not calling you/texting you he's NOT into you TRUST me if youre on his mind he wants to talk to you. You're the first thing on his mind and he'll want you to know that, not matter how busy he is. NONE OF US ARE DATING OBAMA. The busy excuse is so wack!!! Unless you're running the world you're not to busy to text or call. These days phones are our lives we ALWAYS have them handy, were on twitter, facebook, email and bbm it takes 30seconds for him to let you know you're on his mind.
IF he wants to be with you HE WILL-Ive learned not to believe ANYTHING a guy says and I mean ANYTHING, all the "I love you" "I want to be with you" "you're the only girl for me" BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT if you don't ever listen to any of the advice I give listen to this. ACTIONS are the only thing you should believe. FUCK the pillow talk FUCK the "I miss you's" and all the other BULLHIT these idiots feed us. If he loves you he WILL show it. If he wants "to be with you" HE WILL he'll turn in his party hat and exchange it for nice fluffy blanket for you two to sit under and watch a movie.
His introduction to his friends is something you should pay close attention to.
- If he introduces you as " Your first name" then youre still on the friend level, even if youre hooking up but it also could be because he doesn't know what title to give you yet, usually pretty safe for both of you but it still shows he's not fully committed.
If he introduces you as "this is my friend '-your name-" then thats what you ARE, his friend, because he's letting all his boys think "he brought her but she's fair game".
Now if he say " this is my girl-your name-" then he's letting everyone know there is something going on there. Men are VERY territorial when it comes to their women, especially in this town because relationships are not the norm. The thing that women don't get is that GUYS SAY WHAT THEY MEAN. They really really do we just twist and turn and make excuses in our heads.
IF HE DOESNT CLAIM YOU DONT CALL HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND
I feel so bad for all these girls out here running around calling guys their boyfriends and he's all "thats not my girl" behind their back, like I said DONT BELIEVE what he says BELIEVE what he does, he may say behind closed door that youre his "one and only and his girl" but if he's not taking you out to social events and not picking up after club hours you better believe you are NOT the only girl, you might be his "#1" but what the FUCK does that mean, youre #1 when he has no where to be, youre #1 when he needs bailed out of jail? youre #1 when he needs to borrow some money? FUCK all that noise if your #1 you'd better be #1 ALL the time, not when it benefits him.
This may sound weird but I always said, I'll know Im in a committed relationship when neither of us have locks on our blackberry's. Going through someones phone unlocks almost ALL secrets because they cant control who calls/texts and when. I NEVER think it's ok for people to go through their "boyfriend or girlfriends" phone but I think its important to have a sense that they aren't hiding anything if its accessible. I will NEVER claim a guy as my boyfriend EVER again if I can't freely use his phone for a simple phone call or to send a text to a friend from his phone for whatever reason. Most men will jump over a burning fire pit to snatch his blackberry out of your hand, if he does that he has something to hide and essentially, he's not committed to you.
I have a quick story for you about this.
I was dating a really great guy for about 6months, Im going to admit I was the asshole in this relationship, he was fully committed to me and wonderful, he is and was an outstanding human, but let me tell you this kid was like a FUCKING detective, it was crazy!!! He would actually stand outside my apt door and listen in on conversations between me and my roommate, he broke into my email (really quick before I forget, always make your security questions to change your email password questions your ex doesn't know the answer to) he stole the sim card out of my cell phone and the memory card from my camera and uploaded all the photos to his computer, when we first started dating I was taking a nap and woke up to him in the closet going through my blackberry NOT OK if a guy does that to you RUN like for real, run because he's crazy, insecure and possibly very possessive! There are certain things that no one needs to know, like all my emails from years and years ago and camera pictures from before we were together. It's ok not to tell him everything and it's ok for him not to tell you everything but what Im trying to stress here is that from the moment you both decide to be a couple then it is your obligation from then on to be honest and let him in on everything thats going on during your relationship.
Here are just a few quick red flags thats scream UN DATABLE
-If you've been seeing him longer than a month and you don't know his government name
- He still has a sidekick
- He turns his phone off at night
- You've never spent time together before 10pm, unless you both work.
- He wont spend the night at your house
- He doesn't speak highly of his mother
- Never offers to take you out to the movies, dinner, bowling
- Smokes so much pot he falls asleep for hours on end in the middle of the day.
- Never tells you where exactly he is (in the streets is not an answer)
- Doesn't take you out to his social events
- You've never met his friends
- Doesn't buy you a drink when you're out
- Doesnt love and accept your friends
Now, sometimes ladies you don't deserve to be treated like his girl. If you've slept with more thank one of his close friends you're probably not going to be called "his girl" I mean NO guy is going to claim a girl thats smashed the homies no matter how much he likes you. Ive unfortunately been in this situation and a mans ego and his friends are very important to him, he will start to resent you if his friends are constantly clowing him on how his "wifey" smashed his pals. So heres my word of advice from experience.
DO NOT sleep with men in the same circle because if you do, I can promise you that once you actually find one you would date he WILL treat you like the HOE you acted like. No one is going to take you seriously if youre fucking friends, I promise, they are all talking about you and they are all laughing at you, but they WILL continue to sleep with you. Get the idea out of your head that youre the "homegirl" no sweetie, youre the jump off and once these boys actually find nice girls to spend their time with you'll be cut out. No girlfriend is going to want the group hoe hanging around her man. If youre ok with that then girl do you but youre not going to be taken seriously in their crew.
Ok, so I was in a situation similar to this. I started dating a boy whom I had a full on relationship with, it wasn't that we were just fucking, he was my boyfriend. We broke up and a few months later I met a distant friend of his through a mutual friend of ours and we started seeing each other. Now, it got sticky because the ex's friends were friends with the new love interest and most of them I hadn't seen since I was with the other boyfriend, the only thing you can do is be upfront with everyone about everything, the only thing that saved me from the HOE category was the fact that I was and had real relationships with these boys, it wasn't that I came and fucked them and that was it, I think that is the only exception to the rule. Now that I'm single and not with either of them I have to remove myself from ever being in a position other than friends with anyone associated with them in order to preserve my semi salvageable reputation.
Ladies, just be smart about this, use your head and your common sense and don't put all your energy into a man, I'll tell you one thing right now: A MAN does NOT respect a woman who has nothing to bring to the table, you think a rich man wants to be Captain save a hoe? I don't care how beautiful you are, "For every beautiful woman, there is a man tired of fucking her and paying for her" all of you damsels in distress cut that shit out we are ALL capable of becoming what we want without the aid of a man. He will get sick of you spending his money and sitting on your ass no matter how good your SEX and BLOW-JOBS are.
Another awesome piece of advice I was given was " Live your life like you already have a man" and what that means is,
Keep a clean house- not for him but for you, you are a product of your environment, if your house is a disaster 9 times out of 10 so is your life. Then when you do want to have someone over youre not thinking of every excuse in the book as to why your house smells like old french fries and has weave all over the floor.
Workout- Keep your mind and body healthy men LOVE women with good bodies and they often find it sexy that it's an important part of your day.
Shave your legs and stay waxed-Always stay on your "fancy girl game" you know you always feel better when you leave the hair/nail salon/spa keeping yourself beautiful makes you feel good and when you feel good you oz confidence which men love.
Put your face on-I know you think to yourself, "Im just running to the grocery store really quick ill just go looking like I got hit by a train" ok, do you think Marilyn Monroe or Jackie Kennedy thought like that? NO, common just throw on a hat, some concealer and a coat of mascara, I'm not saying you need to be made up all the time, and if you feel beautiful without make-up then lucky you and go with it, but if not then look presentable in public, how many times have you seen a hot guy and thought to yourself "UGH I look awful" and run the other way? Yea probably more times than you want to admit. So do yourself a favor and always feel beautiful.
So in conclusion, living like you already have a man prepares you for when you do find a man, you don't have to change your daily activities much and he can come into your life without you having to make a whole bunch of significant altercations to your life. He'll appreciate that you seem calm and comfortable because hey, you were doing this without him, he's just a bonus.
So go get em tiger, you deserve a man who treats you with respect, honesty and loyality. If youre not getting that then MOVE up and MOVE on.
Feel free to email me questions/comments and stories to DunnieJ@gmail.com
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